freeway signs that i hid behind , i had no idea what i was missing . (wichita) talk your heart out and you know that i will listen . every year that passes feels like just a couple days . you were passed out on the tracks when i had thought i heard the train . and so i carried you through the thick and thin , we were thick as thieves, we were close as kin . coffee and nicotine pumps through our veins . as you start to cry i try to explain . we were in the trench our clothes were drenched . i could feel the bad news coming to the west coast . i’ve got forty ounces asking me:
“ what do you miss the most ? “
i feel so fucking selfish asking you these things . maybe, if we made it out to oakland we could drown these rotten dreams . but i’ve got no excuse, nothing to blame for the horrid thoughts in this wretched brain . nothing makes no sense so i speak my mind:
“ i haven’t moved on yet but holy shit i fucking swear i’m trying .

and i was just wondering if your sister was alive,
what do you think she’d look like in high school? “
when you said :
“ come on in, the waters fine . ”
i whispered :
“ i don’t want to hurt you . “
and right now i can’t help but ask you :
“ do the dead grow older too ?
as much as i loved being ten years old, i like to think they do . “

nothing makes me crushed like that greyhound bus reading bright yellow (wichita) . i want to go back down , to the pitcher’s mound where the midnight oil burned . you told me to grow up while i was throwing up in the del mar bathroom stall . it’s hard to make amends when your best friends stop returning all your calls. and when you placed your hands on either side of my meager frame , where the fleas reside , with the panicked look on my pallid face , i climbed through the thorns and thistles ( i couldn’t see shit , so ungrateful ) thinking to myself:
this isn’t happening .